Why You and Your Teen Keep Fighting About the Same Thing

If You Keep Having the Same Argument With Your Teen, You’re Not Alone

Do you find yourself constantly clashing with your tween or teen over the same things—screen time limits, household responsibilities, or tone of voice?

You explain. You ask. You remind. You yell.
And still… nothing changes.
Sound familiar?

If you’re a single parent, you’re not only navigating day-to-day parenting—you’re often carrying the emotional weight of the whole family dynamic. And sometimes, the root of the conflict goes deeper than just disobedience or attitude. It’s about the invisible roles we all play within our families.

What Are Family Roles—and Why Do They Matter?

In a recent episode of the Single Parenting Reset podcast, I sat down with licensed mental health counselor and anxiety specialist Justine Carino to unpack a powerful concept: the roles kids (and adults) take on to maintain family homeostasis.

These roles aren’t just labels—they’re coping strategies. They develop over time in response to stress, trauma, or imbalance in the family system. And they often repeat across generations.

Common Family Roles Teens Take On:

• The Rebel – Pushes back against rules, often expressing family tension through defiance.
  

• The Golden Child – Overachieves to maintain stability or please an overwhelmed parent.

• The Parentified Child – Takes on adult responsibilities to keep things together.

• The Peacemaker – Avoids conflict and absorbs tension to maintain harmony.
  
  

Your teen may be unconsciously stepping into one of these roles to hold emotional balance in your household—especially if you're parenting solo.

And the truth is: you probably played one of these roles too.

How Your Family of Origin Affects Your Parenting

As single parents, many of us carry unprocessed patterns from our own childhoods. If you were the fixer, the achiever, or the avoider growing up—you might be reacting to your teen in a way that reflects your past more than the present moment.

Understanding your own upbringing helps you parent with more self-awareness—and allows you to create space for your teen to become their authentic self instead of just playing a role.

Why This Matters for Single Parents of Tweens and Teens

You’re not just managing behavior problems or screen time limits—you’re navigating complex emotional territory. When your teen resists or lashes out, it might not be about the rule at all. It might be about a role they feel stuck in.

The good news?
Once you see the pattern, you can start to shift it.

3 Ways to Reset the Dynamic:

✅ Reflect on your own childhood role. Were you the peacekeeper, the achiever, the helper? Knowing this helps you spot patterns in your parenting.
✅ Observe your teen’s behavior with curiosity. Are they trying to keep the emotional balance? Acting out a role they’ve taken on unconsciously?
✅ Name and normalize the pattern. Talk openly (age appropriately) with your child about the dynamic. Encourage them to step into who they really are—not who they think they need to be.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Recognizing these family dynamics doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong—it means you're doing the deeper work of parenting with intention.

Want to hear more on this topic?
🎧 Listen to the full episode:
Ep. 118 – Why You and Your Teen Keep Fighting About the Same Thing

You’ll learn how to:

• Understand the emotional underpinnings of conflict
  

• Improve communication with your teen

• Break cycles you may not have even known you were repeating
  
  

About the Guest:
Justine Carino, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counselor and host of Thoughts from the Couch. She specializes in anxiety treatment and family dynamics. Learn more at www.carinocounseling.com.