What To Do If You Find Out Your Teen Is Vaping (Expert Advice from Tess Connolly, LCSW)

Discovering that your teen is vaping can bring a flood of emotions—shock, fear, frustration, even guilt. You might wonder, “Where did I go wrong?” or “How could this happen under my roof?”

Before you react, take a deep breath. According to Tess Connolly, LCSW—therapist, parent coach, and host of Parenting Teens with Tess Connolly—the most powerful thing you can do in this moment is to respond with calm curiosity, not confrontation.

1. Pause Before You React

The first instinct might be to confront your teen immediately—but reacting in anger often causes teens to shut down. Tess suggests taking time to regulate your own emotions first. “When parents come in hot, teens retreat,” she explains. “Calm creates connection.”

Take a walk, call a friend, or write down your thoughts before speaking with your teen. Approach them only when you can do so calmly.

2. Lead With Curiosity, Not Judgment

Instead of starting with accusations (“I can’t believe you’re doing this!”), Tess recommends asking open-ended questions:

• “Can you help me understand what’s been going on?”
  
• “When did you first try vaping?”
  
• “What made you want to?”
  
  

These kinds of questions invite honesty instead of defensiveness.

3. Focus on Understanding the Why

Teens vape for different reasons—peer pressure, anxiety, curiosity, or even stress relief. Once you understand the “why,” you can address the root issue instead of just the behavior.

If your teen admits to stress or anxiety, consider professional support like a counselor or school psychologist.

4. Set Clear, Consistent Boundaries

Empathy doesn’t mean permissiveness. Make your expectations clear—vaping is not safe and not allowed—but communicate that your concern comes from care, not control.

Tess emphasizes, “Boundaries protect both parents and teens. They show love through structure.”

5. Create a Plan Together

Invite your teen into the problem-solving process:

• How can they manage stress without vaping?
  
• Who can they talk to if they feel pressure from friends?
  
• What resources might help (support groups, therapy, or school programs)?
  

Collaborating gives your teen ownership and accountability.

6. Keep the Conversation Going

Vaping often isn’t a one-time issue—it’s an ongoing conversation. Check in regularly, not to interrogate, but to show support. Celebrate progress and keep communication open.

7. Remember: You’re Not Alone

Vaping among teens is more common than most parents realize. This isn’t about blame—it’s about guidance. You’re doing the best you can, and your willingness to learn and connect already puts you ahead.

Finding out your teen is vaping can feel overwhelming—but it’s also an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. When you respond with calm curiosity and empathy, you teach your teen that they can come to you with hard truths.

For more expert insight and real-world strategies, tune in to Episode 209🎧