What To Do If You Think Your Teen Is Vaping : How To Respond With Calm, Clarity, and Compassion

Finding out that your teen might be vaping can feel like a punch to the gut. Whether it’s marijuana or nicotine, your mind races — How long has this been happening? Should I take their phone?
Before reacting, pause. In The Parenting Reset Show, Tess Connolly, LCSW, shares why staying calm and curious is the most powerful first step.

1. Pause Before You React

Tess explains how a simple five-minute pause changed everything in her own parenting moment. That space helps you move from reactive to strategic. Your teen needs to feel safe enough to talk — not braced for an explosion.

2. Start a Conversation, Not a Confrontation

Instead of accusing (“You’ve been vaping, haven’t you?”), approach with curiosity (“I’ve noticed some changes and I’m wondering if there’s something going on?”).
Open questions and calm tone invite dialogue — the opposite of shame.

3. Set Clear Family Values and Boundaries

Every family’s rules around vaping and substances are different. Clarify yours.
Explain why you’re concerned — about health, brain development, and trust. Connect privileges (car, phone, social time) to accountability. A written family agreement can keep expectations clear.

4. Model the Behavior You Want to See

Teens watch what we do, not just what we say. Tess and co-host Gigi talk openly about their own habits — like cutting back on alcohol or limiting access to tempting behaviors — to show teens what moderation and change look like in real life.

5. Address the “Why” Behind the Behavior

Curiosity, boredom, anxiety, social pressure — these are often the roots.
Instead of just punishing vaping, help your teen manage stress in healthier ways: sports, art, nature, therapy, or time with trusted adults.

6. Know When to Bring in Professional Support

If you notice secrecy, dependency, or repeated use, reach out. School counselors, pediatricians, and therapists can help both parents and teens navigate recovery and rebuilding trust.

Conclusion: Parenting Through Vaping With Empathy

Parenting teens today means facing challenges like vaping, social media, and peer influence head-on. The key is calm consistency. As Tess reminds listeners, “Mistakes are learning opportunities — for both of us.”
When handled with empathy and boundaries, this can become a turning point in your relationship.