How to Stay Steady When Your Co-Parent Has Different Rules This Holiday Season

As the holidays approach, many single parents face a common stressor: co-parenting through conflicting rules.

If you're parenting a tween or teen, you’ve likely heard this phrase:
"But Dad lets me!" or "Mom doesn’t care if I stay up late!"

You’re not alone. These moments can make even the most patient parent feel defeated — especially when screens, vaping, video games, and curfews become battlegrounds.
But here’s the good news: Your tween doesn’t need identical rules in both homes to thrive. What they do need is your steadiness.

The Real Impact of Mixed Messages During the Holidays

The holiday season heightens everything:

• Bedtimes shift
• Emotions run high
• Screen time increases
• Expectations change

Add a co-parent who doesn’t share your boundaries, and suddenly, parenting feels like swimming upstream.

But decades of research show one thing clearly:
Children do better long-term when their parents avoid high conflict and speak respectfully about one another — even if they disagree on the rules.

What To Do When the Rules Don’t Match

Your power lies in your consistency. Even if your co-parent is more permissive, here’s what your tween really needs from you:

• A calm presence
• A respectful tone
• Clear boundaries
• Reassurance that they are safe in both homes

 Try This: A Script For When Your Tween Pushes Back
When your child says, "But Dad lets me..."
Respond with:
“That’s their rule. This is my rule. You’re safe with both of us.”
Then follow up with:
“I know it’s hard when the rules are different, but you don’t have to choose sides. I’m here to guide you, not fight with you.”
This approach helps your child feel emotionally secure — and removes them from the middle of the conflict.

Holding Boundaries With Love: The Holiday Script

When it comes to big topics like vaping, parties, or screen limits, use this calm script:
“I care about your safety, and this is the rule when you're with me. I know it’s different at the other house, and I'm not judging that — I just want to keep you safe here.”
This response is:

• Warm
• Neutral
• Steady
• Rooted in love

 Bottom Line: You Don’t Need Matching Rules to Be a Great Parent
Your child doesn't need perfection. They need presence. They need one safe, grounded, emotionally regulated adult — and that can be you.

So, this holiday season, remember:
🎁 You’re not failing.
🎁 You’re not alone.
🎁 You’re already showing up — and that matters more than any matching bedtime ever will.

Want more support through the holidays?
🎧 Listen to the full episode of The Single Parenting Reset here 

It’s 15 minutes that could change your whole season.