What Single Parents Can Do If Their Teen Is Vaping or Drinking

Parenting tweens and teens comes with moments that can take your breath away—both in awe and in fear. For single parents especially, finding out your child is vaping marijuana, drinking, or experimenting with substances can feel like a crisis. But it doesn’t have to be the end of trust. In fact, it can be the beginning of building even stronger connection.

My Story: The 5-Minute Pause That Changed Everything

The first time I discovered my son had vaped pot, my mind went into overdrive. Fear, anger, disappointment—all of it hit me at once. But instead of storming into his room, I stopped. I gave myself five minutes. I breathed, calmed down, and asked myself: What do I want this moment to be about—punishment or connection?

When I finally sat with him, I led with curiosity instead of confrontation. And because of that, he opened up. He admitted what happened, and we talked honestly about trust, choices, and what it would take for us to move forward together. That pause turned a rupture into a reset.

Why Single Parents Feel It So Intensely

Single parents don’t have a partner at home to process these discoveries with. The reaction falls on you alone—and that makes it even more important to slow down. Your response sets the tone for how your teen sees you: as someone safe to talk to, or someone to hide from.

Practical Strategies for Handling Substance Use Discovery

1. Pause Before Reacting
Even 5–10 minutes makes a huge difference. Take time to regulate your emotions before addressing your child.

2. Lead with Curiosity, Not Accusation
Instead of “Why would you do this?!” try, “Can you tell me what happened?” Curiosity keeps the conversation open.

3. Talk About Trust
Be clear: “This isn’t just about vaping or drinking—it’s about trust between us. Honesty and actions are how we build that.”

4. Set Boundaries Without Shame
It’s okay to say, “I’m not okay with this. It’s harmful and illegal. But I want to help you make better choices moving forward.”

5. Watch for Patterns
One-time experimenting is different from consistent use. If your teen is vaping or drinking often, hiding substances, or showing changes in grades, mood, or friends—it’s time to seek help.

When It’s More Serious

If you suspect heavy or regular substance use, don’t ignore it. Reach out for support—a therapist, a school counselor, a family coach. Getting help early can make all the difference.

Turning Crisis Into Connection

These moments, while terrifying, are opportunities for single parents. With a pause, curiosity, and clear boundaries, you can transform what feels like a crisis into a chance to reset your relationship with your tween or teen.

Remember: Parenting is not about perfection—it’s about connection.

👉 Want more tools for parenting tweens and teens as a single parent? Subscribe to The Single Parent Reset Show on your favorite podcast app, and join my email list for strategies straight to your inbox twice a week.